Thoughts

It's one of those nights again. Having lots of random thoughts in my mind. Always comes along when I'm in a stressful/depressed mood. I've just added some classmates' blogs in my links. Read in Wenliang's blog about Inferiority Complex and also read Lin Sui's blog and these actually made me want to write this post.

I've came to realised that many aerospace students have lost family members and this has made me reflect. I never think how lucky I am. I talk about others being born with a golden spoon in their mouths, being rich etc. etc. when I am actually rather a spoiled brat myself. Oh, all the whining and self-pity I have done.

Procrastination has been my greatest enemy all my life and I have been unsucessful in fighting it. Lin Sui wrote:"Living with regrets again..." That's how I have felt, to different degrees, almost every day, every week, every month, every year, since a long way back. How nice it would be to turn back time, I say; or nowadays, how nice it would be to live in an alternative dimension. I think it's rather pathetic cause I know no matter how I wished and hoped it would never come true. And yet I've done it so many times in my life, especially when I was much younger, when I even cried myself to sleep over it, and still hoping that when I wake up I'll be back in my younger days and live life all over again, correctly. Childish thoughts.

I am suffering from Inferiority Complex, and while Wenliang seems to have found strength from that, deep down I was feel that I haven't really done so. I still try my best to lift my head high, and I've tried lots of new stuff. I have become more extroverted, more vocal and more sporty, yet sometimes it seems like it's all a facade I have put on, as if I have been lying to myself all this while. Or maybe it's just a phase, a resistance to change within me?

So when's the time to overcome all this? I don't know. I hope sometime soon. Time will tell.